What does this really mean? How do you soften around any anger you may be feeling?

Perhaps… consider the issue at hand or the person or situation. Perhaps… don’t become hardened or act like a brick wall, unable or unwilling to see others’ perspectives. Maybe consider the reasons for your own reactions. There could be a landmine lying beneath that you are not even aware of.

But it doesn’t have to be so scary.

I thought I grew up in an idyllic childhood home until I was diagnosed with complex trauma disorder. So I had to “go back” in my mind to what may have caused this. While that wasn’t fun, I realized all the things that happened around me did set the tone for my future relationships. I guess that’s what childhood trauma does: It can make you unable to trust, unable to fully commit, and yet also learn to know when to create boundaries.

Heavy sigh. Nobody taught me any of this back then.

Now I’m feeling sorry for my young self and so am giving her everlasting hugs. I know I am not alone in experiencing an unhealthy upbringing at times. So I send hugs to you as well.

I do not entirely blame my parents, siblings, friends, teachers or strangers, although I have to recognize the flaws in them that created the flaws in me. We do not have to be victims of our past – or even so much as feel like victims of our past – then lash out and continue the cycle.

Almost no one meant to hurt me. And now I’m old enough to understand their experiences, their pain. That helps with the letting go.