I was thinking this would be a positive post, because originally I had different ideas. But then I remembered our theme: Softening Around Anger… And some things changed in my brain.
So, why do or did I wander or intend to go someplace else? Sometimes it’s was just going upstairs to escape the loudness or energies in the house. Sometimes it was to escape my parents’ arguing. Back then, I might go outside and sit on our front porch. But my mom was on it and she would order me back in; hence my upstairs bedroom was my only escape. Once, I hid in my treehouse with a bag of Oreos. It was a dark wooden and spider occupied dwelling that my dad made. That escape didn’t last long for me.
Luckily my white Siamese cat ‘Snowy’ knew when I was sad or upset, so she gave me some comfort after I felt a loss of freedom and lack of compassion during these situations. Did my mom care that I refused dinner? Or did she just have “bigger fish to fry”? It was probably that she was busy dealing with my dad, who was an amazing man, although totally unpredictable and thus, sometimes uncomfortable to be around.
Emotional turbulence in the household can do damage to kids. No, it probably always does. There are genetics involved as well as behaviors. Yet recognizing that – even as adults – can help us heal at any age. I am not angry with my parents or even my brother, but there is always going to be a certain “upset-ness” that I am willing to talk about.