Let’s Eat:
Dessert Overload

by December 2014

Leftover pie and cheesecake from Thanksgiving is the problem. Many people complain about leftover turkey. But we all know what to do about turkey. We might complain, but we all know that turkey goes into sandwiches and soups. It’s a no-brainer.

Extra dessert is a problem. Unlike turkey it has lots of calories, useless sugar. It is one of the fastest ways to not only put on weight, but accumulate guilt. I want to just throw it out. This involves guilt, too, since my wife made it. Another solution – give it away. Prepackage it into individual slices in nice pink bags and include a card. A sick thought – eat the pie all at once, get sick and throw up, and never do it again. Fortunately, I reject that idea. Maybe we save it, eat it in pieces that have been pre-cut; determine how many calories they are, and work off the calories. This idea is appealing, but suspicious.

Freezing things and hiding them in the back is a time honored method. It could be kept there for months, even years, only found in a fit of freezer cleaning that happens about once every two years (usually when the power goes off). Yes, the pie could be rediscovered. By then, it has to have some freezer burn and it will appear unsightly. Into the garbage it goes. There is a feeling of satisfaction, even exaltation! We’ve done it!

A mindful solution and compassionate one is not to create pies and cheesecakes in the first place. It’s basic science. If there is no cause there is no effect. No pies, no calories, no guilt. Next year we will prepare fruit salad, just nicely chopped fruit. Attractively presented with different colors – orange cantaloupe, green melon, red apples, persimmons, grapes… Maybe some walnuts thrown in. Healthy. No guilt.

It feels like the right thing to do – fruit salad. There are problems with leftover fruit salad, however. It gets watery, soft, squishy. You can’t freeze it or give it away. It must go down the disposal. Guilt again!

Solution – Next Thanksgiving just bring whole apples. If people want to eat them, they will. Then we take the rest home. Simple! I recognize that this is a self-serving ‘guy’s solution’, but you have to admit – it solves the throw-away problem! Still, a little guilt for not preparing a nice dessert. So buy a pie next time and leave it there! Another guy solution… But can you blame me?!